A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
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The Knicks Got Fucked

Illustration for article titled The Knicks Got Fucked

The NBA, in its infinite wisdom, changed the matrix of their lottery. This was done, in theory, to prevent teams from purposely tanking in order to secure a better percentage chance of getting the top draft slot. However, last night this failed spectacularly. The Pelicans (THE FUCKING PELICANS) got the top pick, even though they only had a 6% chance of winning it. They won the Zion sweepstakes. This is a bunch of hogcock (hogwash + poppycock). By rights, the New York Knicks should have gotten the pick. New Orleans has already clearly demonstrated that they can’t manage a superstar in Anthony Davis. Now they will, in all likelihood, draft Larry Johnson 2.0.


That much being said, the Knicks fell to the third slot. While not the best outcome, it’s still better than every team from 4-14. Regardless of the sport, be it the NBA, NFL, MLB, NHL, etc, every league is more interesting when the anchor cities are successful. Sadly, the Knicks haven’t been relevant in years. New York City is the greatest city in the world, and Madison Square Garden is the Mecca of basketball. Outside of a very fluky 1999 season, Knicks fans haven’t had anything to celebrate since 1994.

Illustration for article titled The Knicks Got Fucked

That was supposed to be our year! Jordan was playing baseball, which meant the NBA title was up for grabs. In the NHL, the Rangers won the Cup and we New Yorkers felt that the Knicks were going to win. I felt that way all the way up until the very end of Game 7, a game where my favorite Knick, John Starks, forgot how to shoot and went 2-18 from the floor, and wound up with only 8 points. The Knicks lost to the Rockets. That sucked. Then five years later, the Knicks put together a surprising run and made it to the NBA Finals again, only to get steamrolled by the Spurs juggernaut, losing 4-1 in a series that wasn’t competitive in any way, shape, or form. From there, the Knicks spiraled.

To give you an idea of what it’s been like for Knicks fans since then, allow me to introduce you to all the first-round (and only the first round) Knick draft picks from 1999-2018:

  • 1999 - Frederic Weis
  • 2000 - Donnell Harvey
  • 2001 - Michael Wright
  • 2002 - Nene
  • 2003 - Mike Sweetney
  • 2004 - no first rounder
  • 2005 - Channing Frye & David Lee
  • 2006 - Renaldo Balkman & Mardy Collins
  • 2007 - Wilson Chandler
  • 2008 - Danilo Gallinari
  • 2009 - Jordan Hill
  • 2010 - see 2004
  • 2011 - Iman Shumpert
  • 2012 - see 2004
  • 2013 - Tim Hardaway, Jr
  • 2014 - see 2004
  • 2016 - see 2004
  • 2017 - Frank Ntilililikililininilakailina
  • 2018 - Kevin Knox

Goddamn, it pains me to have typed that.

The NBA should have found a way to get the first pick to New York. I don’t care what anyone says, in my opinion when the Knicks are relevant, the NBA is better. All Knicks fans can do now is hope (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA what the fuck is “hope?”) that Ja Morant falls to the third pick, or RJ Barrett doesn’t somehow suck, or that the Knicks give the Pelicans the third pick and a player in return for Anthony Davis. We can also hope against hope against hope that the team can sign two big-time players in free agency after trading Porzingas to Dallas for a bag of magic beans.


A boy can dream, can’t he?

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