My basketball team was horrible my last two seasons of playing. Combined Junior and Senior years, we won exactly one game. We were horrible. Horrible. Individually, we were really really good. We had good players - good shooters, good rebounders, and good role players, but collectively we could not play as a team. We just couldn’t. I can’t explain why. It remains a mystery to me to this day.

The last game of the season was upon us. We had not won a single game all year. So my friend and I had an idea. I would send the coaches out of the locker room so that us seniors could give a team-only speech in order to motivate the team. They bought it.

The second the coaches left the locker room, my friend and I broke out the beers he’d snuck in, hidden in a travel bag. He had brought enough for every member of the team. I gave a speech that was short and to the point - something to the effect of: Gentlemen, we haven’t won a fucking game all year. If we all chug our beers, we can at least go out having fun.

So we did it. Twelve juniors and seniors frantically chugging cans of cheap beer, ready to go out and win our last game of the season. Ready to go out and laugh at everyone who thought we would lose. We each crushed the cans in our hands when we finished, let out war cries, and ran out of the locker room to the court, ready to meet victory head on.


We got fucking destroyed.

We were a horrible basketball team.