I have to share this story with you degenerates.


A guy I work with is on a bowling team, and one of his teammates had a terrible story about his work. The place is a small printing shop, about 60 or so people. The original owner sold it then came back to work there a few years later, so he brought back one of the salesmen as well. These guys are both in their early 60’s, married with kids out of the house and relatively normal. Except for one strange peccadillo with the salesman; he’s addicted to porn.

And we aren’t talking Brazzers, but a subscription web-cam service with Russian ladies-of-the-night addiction.

Anyway, he develops a regular, as one does, and proceeds to spend a lot of time on this site, chatting away. Well you can’t really do that with the wife in the house all the time, so he’s taken to video conferencing basically anywhere else, including his car. I suppose he would drive around until he found a hotspot, which, weird.

So this has been a running thing for a few months, him and his Svetlana, each going to town on themselves while the other watches, until it’s interrupted one day when he’s in his car, of all places. His screen is co-opted by two white dudes covered in tattoos who claim they are Russian hackers that run this site, and they’ve been tracking him for the duration of his odyssey on their site. Their demands are straight forward; $50,000, immediately. Or else.

Advertisement

Or else.. what?

We’ll upload this to your works website and multiple porn sites, unless!

$50,000! Fuck you!

So it’s about ten minutes later and he receives an email from His work email, CC’ing the company with only a link to the homepage.

Advertisement

Which of course is just a video of him going to town on himself in a parked car on a tree lined street in the middle of Americana.

So.. how do you have that conversation with your wife about why you no longer have a job?