A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
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The Sidespin Guide To Not Reading Posts About Getting A Vasectomy

I'm sure RMJ's vasectomy post was great. I'm certain of this because he's a funny sonofabitch and a good storyteller; but I didn't read a word of it, and here's why:

When it comes to anything regarding surgery or blood, I can't take it.

Experience 1: In about 4th grade or so, my school held some kind of blood screening program (I don't remember what the hell it was for, but that's not important.) It was a simple drawing of blood, one small vile. A few minutes after they drew the blood, I was dripping with sweat - I mean, it was fucking pouring down into a puddle. A few minutes later, while I was trying to make it from the gym to my classroom, my ears started ringing so loud that I couldn't hear a damn thing. (I'm not lying, I thought I was dying) I held it together long enough to make it to my classroom where I passed out cold. My teacher freaked the fuck out, but I eventually came to. This is how I found out I was a big fucking pussy.


Experience 2: I was 16 years old and working my first construction job. I worked for one of my teachers who ran a small remodeling business during the summer. We were taking a break during a hot, humid, terrible day, after finishing a block retaining wall. He was drinking water out of a jug that must have been a gallon-and-a-half. I asked him why he was drinking so much water and he proceeded to tell me, in great detail, about the recent passing of his kidney stones. Halfway through the story, I could feel it coming so I sat on an empty five gallon bucket, by the time he was finished I had passed out cold and smashed my head off of the recently constructed retaining wall. I woke up to the silhouette of my boss with the sun blasting in my eyes behind him. Again, I thought I was dead.

Experience 3: While I was in college, a friend and I went to see the movie Ronin (with Robert DeNiro) at the theater. It had been a few years since I had an incident, so I thought I'd be fine seeing a little blood. Nope. There's a scene where DeNiro's character takes a bullet to the side of the abdomen, and they take the fucker out with, I don't fucking know, a pair of pliers of something. Yup. Keeled right over into the seat next to me. Out fucking cold. This time, my buddy thought I was dead.


So, RMJ, I'll just give you your +1 here if that's OK. Because I'm just not gonna put my dumbass through that again.

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