A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks

THINGS MY DAUGHTER HAS SAID, SPICED UP FOR SEARCH OPTIMIZATION

[Lets toilet lid fall onto back]

"I'm a turtle."

Oh?

"Yeah. [Pauses] I miss my turtle babies."

That's sad. Where'd they go?

"The world blew them away. Like Valerie Harper, Percy Harvin trade, Jennifer Lawrence boobs, and Kwame Kilpatrick boobs."

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