First of all, I am far too lazy to go looking for retaliatory GIFs for this goddamn place, because somehow, link-hopping on Wikipedia is clearly a better use of my time. (Korn? STILL A THING, APPARENTLY. Big ol' H/T to Post Apocalyptic Recreational Spectacles, you Man de Michigan, you!)

Anyway, much like the majority of my contributions on The Greater Deadspin Commentariat Net-ropolitan Network of Ways to Continue Our Nation's Decline in GDP (TGDCNNWCONDGDP, if you're so inclined), this post (and future posts!) should only serve to further highlight that fact that if you give an asshole the ability to vigorously and repeatedly rub itself on a standard 103-key keyboard, shit will inevitably be smeared in a Pollock-like manner for all the world* to consume uneasily because nobody had the courage to stand up and say, No, you fuckhead, not like that, and why are you bleeding from that part of your thigh, specifically, plus editors, what the fuck are those?

In conclusion, te occidere possunt sed te edere non possunt nefas est, my fellow ferrets.

*~37 people and anywhere between 4 - 6 hamsters at any given time