This is a story about sports that happened to me (or what not to say about your teammate's sister)

Dateline small town Wisconsin, circa 2000.

I'm a junior on the cross country team. One of the seniors (let's call him Moses) happened to have a sister in my grade that was particularly fetching and also played on the volleyball team. Now if you don't know, female volleyball players wear tight spandex uniforms that leave little to the imagination, so we made it a point to stretch in the same gym they used for practice. As we warmed up we would let Moses know what we'd do with his sister given the chance. These accounts went well beyond raunchy or lewd, venturing into the perverse. He didn't particularly appreciate this.


On one particular day I must have crossed the line or he may have finally been fed up. A couple of minutes into our training run, Moses got his revenge. He ambushed me from behind, jumping up and putting a bearhug (arms and legs and all) around my torso. As I fell forward, I put out my right arm to brace my fall. This was a huge mistake. I immediately yelled out from the searing pain, and my elbow quickly began to swell.

Not wanting to get in trouble with coach for the horseplay, Moses and some of the other seniors told me to shake it off and that I was fine. I was embarrassed to admit why I was hurt or what had compelled Moses to tackle me, so I continued on. As I bounced along on the run, the pain intensified with each step. During this time my arm swelled so badly I couldn't bend it at all. Admitting defeat to myself, I had to run up to my coach and explain that I needed to go back to the trainer for my arm. He looked at me suspiciously, but allowed me to head back. I'm sure coach assumed that I was just looking for a way to get out of the hill intervals we were scheduled to run that day, and that I was an idiot because who the hell hurts their arm in cross country practice.

It was two lonely miles back to the gym where the trainer promptly told me that my arm was most likely broken and I should head to the hospital immediately. I was forced to call my mom to pick me up and take me in, where an x-ray proved what the trainer had suspected.

I spent the rest of high school known as the pervert who broke his arm in cross country practice. Adding insult to injury, Moses' sister just happened to be in my English class that semester. She never did make eye contact with me again.