Well that ended terribly boring and predictably. As Sir Elton John put it, “losing everything is like the sun going down on me.” We feel you Elton. And thank god the sun now sets for us on the horrible lot of you.
There you have it. Spanfeller ruined Deadspin. As many people have pointed out, we’d argue that the site has been ruined since.... just about forever. “What was even left for Spanfeller to ruin,” you have said to us. “Deadspin’s been a garbage fire for years now,” you tweeted. We hear you! We agree! But we as your benevolent bracket overlords forgive you, our voters. We share in your joy and pain but ultimately we do this for you. Almost as poorly and ham-fisted-ly as our real jobs. And we do it for more than the 9 regular Gawker readers.
In a poetic sense, Herb Span is the right pick. As an anonymous Deadspinner told us about a potential AJ/Span matchup, it appropriately represents “the difficult choice every Deadspin commenter has faced: Being literal vs. keeping an expired meme alive.” What a shock that commenters in 2019 took a joke too literally. So really, all of you ruined Deadspin.
I guess there’s a couple of small items that should get closed out now that we have a winner and are about to go on another 3 or 4 year sabbatical. First off, our multiple requests to get Spanfeller to talk about his victory were not responded to. We were extremely polite about it. Can you believe this shit:
Second, we need a prize to send Spanfeller. We’ll mail it but the idea’s on you. We’ll take suggestions, either here or on twitter. No toxins or harmful shit, don’t even suggest it the answer is no. I don’t want the FBI showing up like I’m a Phoenix area lawyer. No rancid meat or produce, use a little more creativity. No poop. If we find something we like we’ll send it.
Right now OBG leads the charge on the idea front with “a completed job application.”
Wow. The bar has been set. And I thought RM and I were the trolls.
Penultimately... we’re sending the actual prize money to the actual winners of this contest, and putting $150 on the Deadspin staff bar tab. OK, you caught us, we’ll buy them a round, but there definitely were no winners in this. We’re just waiting for OBG’s money order to arrive by carrier pigeon and it should clear a couple days after that.
Last but not least... your final bracket. And you know what? You can keep it assholes.
Find the Worst Song Bracket boys on twitter, at @worstsongbracke
“Rhythm Method” is a bad song enthusiast and native Seattleite who lived in beautiful Yuma, AZ before bailing on weather that was over 75 and going back to Seattle. Follow him on twitter here. “notsomethingstructural” (aka @nss_ds) is an amateur listicle purveyor and vigilant nihilist. He makes no apologies for being a terrible follow. Together, they produced the timeless "Worst Song Bracket" from where they take their namesake. Old Beige Guy (@oldbeigeguy) is also from Seattle, which is what everybody in Washington, Alaska, and Idaho says. He will be in bed by
8:30 9:00 7:30 in celebration of the completed bracket, 9:30 this evening. He celebrates the beautiful yet smarmy glossy-paged era of Sports Illustrated here.