Greetings and welcome to the second instalment of everybody's favourite recurring post on Sidespin that doesn't involve STF's adorable offspring. If there is one important lesson to take from these recurring posts, it's that your favourite commenters are just like you and I; bearers of endless witticisms online, boring and morbidly obese in real life. Today I'm running a little short on time, so please enjoy this shorter than usual entry.
Easily one of Deadspin's funniest and most consistent commenters, RMJ=H is a family man that bleeds University of Virginia orange. It's either that, or the assemblage of Crunchy Cheetos that are crushed in his belly button, only to be liquified, leading to a waterfall of bright hues, cascading down his rotund features as he refreshes Deadspin every 30 seconds in hopes of being the first to comment on every single fucking post. The comment section that we all know and love would not be the same were it not for comedic minds the likes of RMJ=H. One of the best there is.
Bevraj of Choice
Reigning Commenter of The Year and all-around humanitarian, Bev lives in the Phillipines for a host of reasons, one of which is that mail order brides are a lot more affordable when you pick them up yourself, saving hundreds of dollars on pesky postage and handling fees. If only he knew about the benefits of Stamps.com. Anywho, I digress. When not posting side-splitting humour on Deadspin, Bev can be found trolling the lower income neighbourhoods of Manila, looking for malnourished women who he can take advantage of. As the ancient Russian proverb goes, Good Things Come In Threes, which explains why he always gets a second girl to tagalog. It also explains why he bangs a ton of 3's. What a dirtball. Love this dude.
I must admit, when I first set my eyes on Hume, I was both awestruck and amazed, like a ziplock bag filled to the tits with a steaming liquid, I was ready to bust. Here's the thing with David Hume; he's handsome, hilarious and an all-around great guy. Just because the majority of us spend our days in offices, cowering behind computer monitors and eating last night's dinner in sweaty Tupperware, it doesn't mean we can't have abs etched out of granite and arms of an Adonis. When not making his quaint town a better place to live, Hume can be found working with impoverished youth and doling out soup at the local homeless shelter. This sexpot of a man is also a scratch golfer and on the occasion when he does show up in the Deadspin comments section, prepare to be floored by his nonchalant approach to trading witty barbs. One of the greatest men ever put on this giant blue marble of ours. This guy is the reason my glove box is filled with moist towelettes.
Thank you for your waning support of Sidespin, more specifically this entry in Your Favourite Commenters: A Visual Guide. My sincerest of apologies that it featured nary a single .gif of somebody farting.