Guess what kids, Deadspin's elite commenters are just like you and I. What separates the once-starred legends of commenting lore from those who toil in the grey [formerly pink - just like Diane Keaton's vagina] is the ability to craft witty barbs on a consistent basis, not some genetic trait that was developed generations before you were even a twinkle in that milkman's dilated red eyes.
The crème de la crème of Deadspin's upper crust may come off as a bourgeois collective of snobs, but in reality, they're no different than the internet sans-culottes who clog the comment section with repulsive 'opinions' and 'personal accounts' - it's cool, I hate soccer too. MMA RULEZ!11!
To prove that Deadspin's best are no different than the commoner, and keeping with the tradition of providing visual evidence to identify your favourite commenters, I present to you Your Favourite Commenters: A Visual Guide Vol. III [Fart Edition].
I found this clip of Steve U whilst rummaging through his attic, in hopes of finding a Da Vinci code of sorts that would unlock the secret to the man's brilliance. Hey Steve, D'Artagnan called, he wants his collar back. #diss
Eddie Murray Sparkles:
Here's a candid video that Eddie and a bunch of his girlfriends made in the spirit of "making one for themselves to sit on the shelves." That's our favourite master of the pun, sitting upfront and centre, ripping cheese like it's nobody's business. Es tu farté?
Hey look, it's our ol' buddy Raysism, out on a leisurely run, ripping farts as he passes a local news reporter filming live from Tampa's most desirable location; a sinkhole. Fear not, this is hardly the first time this embarrassing footage has been seen, as Raysism recently sent it to Miserable Shitehawk in hopes of some recognition. Honestly, how hard would it be to just beg Craggs to do a COTY 2012 post and give the damn thing to Raysism? Surely, he doesn't have that many good years left in him.
Shown here in his kitchen, Sweaty is taking the bizarre customs of his home state of Utah to new levels, formally involved in a polygamous lifestyle with his wife, Susan, and his husband, Tad. While Tad explains the intricacies of having anal intercourse with animals from the petting zoo and Alex Smith's third-down conversion rates, Sweaty lets out a fart so vile and incapacitating, that he passes out on the spot. Let's hope Sweaty is ok, I can't begin to fathom what I'd do without the one joke he leaves in the comments section a month.
Here's exclusive footage from BronzeHammer's wedding. He's the one on the left. That thing just cuts through the air like a hot blade through a newborn's jowls.
Thanks for your continued dislike of this post and others like it. Sean and Greg should be around later.