A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
A Bad Place Full Of Bad Jerks
Illustration for article titled Your Friday Morning Vignette

I once had a co-worker who was - and I mean this in the nicest possible way - a complete and utter moron. He didn't have a mean bone in his body, and could do his job competently, but when it came to Basic Living Skills, he just wasn't very bright. As in, he once drove around with a glass bottle of concentrated fox urine (because he was also a trapper, as in animal trapper, and animal trappers sometimes bait their traps with fox urine to attract animals to the traps in the hopes of trapping them) on his dashboard for weeks until, you guessed it, it fell and broke inside his truck. I think he ended up throwing the truck away.


One awful winter day we were in the office, and he was complaining about how his hands were dry and chapped. Lacking any hand lotion, he rummaged through his desk drawer and found some old mayonnaise packets. I'd love to see the pictograph that formed in his mind as he held the packets in his hand, but the next thing I knew he had squeezed not one, not two, but three packets on his hands and was vigorously massaging the mayonnaise into his skin.

"I really thought it would work" he said an hour later, as he was still trying to wash the stink off. Of course he did.

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